How to be happy again

posted in: Inspiration | 8

I have always been fascinated by subjects about happiness. How can we experience happiness? Clearly happiness means different things to different people, so I only can support my own understanding of happiness. For me happiness is the inner contentment and joy we have with ourselves and our surroundings. It has to do with how we perceive the outside world and the way we respond to it.How to find happiness again

Bottom line, happiness is a choice no matter what our definition of it is. Please don’t misunderstand me. I know many people go through difficulties, hardships and major pains in their lives and my heart goes out to them. Pain is part of life and needs to be acknowledged and dealt with. There is a period of mourning , and grief is crucial for releasing the pain and coming in terms with it. What I’m referring to when I say happiness is a choice in this case has to do with whether or not we want to continue feeling unhappy because of the painful experiences we go through in life. Do we rely on circumstances beyond our control to determine how we should feel? Isn’t it better to claim the part we have control over? Wouldn’t we feel more powerful about ourselves if we start taking responsibility for whether or not we want to be happy? I like the phrase ‘pain is inevitable but suffering is optional’. This is what I’m talking about. We do have a choice. As social beings we are there to help each other. This is part of our humanness. It is important that we reach out and ask someone to assist us with getting out of a cycle that doesn’t serve us. For some of us, this is our life lesson and might take our whole life to master. What is important is whether or not we choose to do this.

So, what about those of us who went through a major trauma and want to find happiness  in their lives once again? What is the way out? The following are some of the steps that will help us gain our happiness back:

  1. You must really want it

    check with yourself when you wake up every morning and see where your energy is. Do you enjoy repeating the same painful story? If so, find out why? Is it where your comfort zone is? Are you afraid of the unknown? Is that how you can get love and attention from other people? Is it a chronic habit?…For some people it might be the only way to get attention or feel loved, for others it might be a habit or even a belief. Do you think life is unfair? Look at your beliefs and find out if you are willing to replace them with another point of view. That’s the starting point. This is the first step. We only can take small steps. We can’t keep digging the ground to see if the seed we planted is sprouting. Doing that will eventually kill it. We shouldn’t be disappointed if we don’t see any results for a while. We need to keep trying and wanting to change our perception. Our thoughts and their underlying energy create our reality. It is not enough if you say you want to change your belief. Every cell of your body must want this.

  2. Accepting “What Is!”

    It is what it is”. This is not to become passive about making changes, but to accept our situation without fighting it. Only after we stop fighting with where we are and who we are can we start opening the door to bringing more wonderful things to our lives.

  3. Ask for help. (counseling, friends. Support groups)

    it’s very difficult to do it alone without the help of others. It is part of our blueprint to need each other’s support.  Studies show that in the societies with a communal support, people recover from their grief in a shorter span of time.  Also, seeking professional help provides us with tools that can assist us through this process.How to find happiness again

  4. Positive thinking

    Are you a chronically negative thinker? Are you inclined to criticize things? Do you always complain? Is it hard for you to trust? Do you have a hard time to give or receive help? If so, you might want to watch your thoughts and find out why that is. Positive thinkers happen to overcome their difficulties much faster. There are a lot of articles and books on the power of positive thinking. Happiness and positive thoughts go hand in hand. It is a good practice to monitor our thoughts and catch ourselves when we approach things negatively.

  5. The power of affirmations

    Affirmations might not work for some people at first, but once practicing diligently, they eventually become a powerful tool. They cannot be repeated mechanically, but rather we need to engage our heart and our whole being when repeating them. Not the same affirmations work for everyone. Find or create an affirmation that works for you. The simpler the better. You want to remember and repeat them with ease. Something as simple as “I choose to be happy now” might be enough.

  6. Nurture yourself and practice self-love

    Spend time taking care of yourself and your needs. When we take care of ourselves, we become more confident and happy. Look into your eyes in the mirror and express your love for yourself. Many of us might have a difficult time with this at first, but don’t give up. Continue doing this and feel how your body reacts to it. Feel it with your whole heart. In due time you will be able to feel more and more love for yourself. This is a very powerful exercise for it allows us to accept who we are regardless of the circumstances.How to find happiness again

  7. Meditation

    More and more we hear about the benefits of meditation. It helps us mentally, emotionally and physically. If you have never meditated before, you can start by closing your eyes, while focusing your attention on your heart or the space between your eyebrows and watch your breathing just as if you’re witnessing another person’s breathing. Be an observer of your breath and your thoughts. Don’t get engaged with your thoughts rather let them pass through as if you’re watching the clouds. Start practicing for 5 minutes at first and gradually increase the time.

  8. Gratitude

    Focus on things that are good in your life and be grateful for them. Express your gratitude. When we shift our consciousness to see the blessings in our lives rather than the sufferings, we attract more good to ourselves. Get in the habit of doing it every morning after you wake up and when you go to bed at night. A gratitude journal where you write down things you are grateful for during the day is also very helpful.

How to find happiness again

Happiness is an inner choice and an inner determination. By no means do I want to suggest that unhappy people have a problem. My intention here is to tell you there is a hope and a goal for us to achieve. I am on the same journey. Like everyone else I also have challenging days and struggle with being happy. What helps me is that I set an intention every morning when I wake up to start my day with positive energy. I also meditate and that helps me a lot.

I would love to hear back from you. I invite you to leave your comments below and share your thoughts on this with me.

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8 Responses

  1. Eric

    Happiness can be so elusive and I personally have eluded myself (maybe on purpose even) at times.
    Knowing I cannot change what is “out there” does not change the fact that I CAN change what’s “in here”.
    Thank you.
    Do you have more info on “self love”


    • Marjon

      I agree with you Eric. We only can change our perception of the outside world. I will have more on self-love soon. So, please visit my site again. Thanks for your comment.

  2. Laura

    I can’t remember where I read the following about happiness, but I think it’s right for me, anyway:

    1. Happiness requires you having perceived control over your life.
    2. Happiness requires feeling that progress is being made.
    3. Happiness requires having relatedness and supportive connection to other people.
    4. Happiness requires having a vision/meaning (being part of something bigger).

    • Marjon

      Hi Laura,
      Thanks for your comment! Good points! With respect to #1, I think once we let go of controlling how things should be, we find more balance and harmony with ourselves and are able to control our own life accordingly.

  3. Harold Masters

    Very well organized and written. Very insightful, informative and helpful. I find that it helps me to focus much more on what I can become than what I can get.
    Best wishes on your future contributions to us all.

    • Marjon

      Hi Harold,

      Thank you for your feedback. I’m glad it was helpful to you.


  4. Lito Arcangel

    I could not agree more with your 8 steps. They are like those things that we know are good and effective, but still sometimes choose not to do. It’s beautiful to see them laid out clearly. And can easily be referred to again and again. Happiness can be fleeting, so there will be opportunities. That innermost contentment and joy can sometimes be elusive. Unless we realize the source…, but that is probably on another topic.

    Congratulations and auspicious wishes on this your new venture (adventure ). You are to be commended for taking on the challenge to act on your vision. We are fortunate indeed to have a woman of your talent and generosity share it with us.

    Jai Ma!

    • Marjon

      Hi Lito,
      Thank you for your heartfelt comment and kind words. Yes, I agree that it’s our connection with our source that help us ultimately hold on to our inner happiness. Hopefully, I can explore that subject very soon. My best wishes!


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