Recently, I went through a very difficult situation; something that caused me a great heartache and left me with doubts and sorrow. It was difficult for me to see things from a different angle since I was in the middle of it and couldn’t see the clear picture. I knew I was in for a life lesson and needed to be patient with myself until I was able to process and heal it.
The very first thought that came to my mind was that this was an opportunity for me to love in a deeper way and the best place to start was with myself through the practice of self-love for unless I was able to accept and love myself, I would not have been able to extend it to others. A responsibility that I owed to myself and my loved ones! A task was laid out in front of me, and my first reaction was to resist it. Even though I had helped others with the same predicament, I felt helpless when it came to my own healing. I knew the steps and theory behind them and that I should have been accepting of what it was and be open to forgive and forget; yet I struggled with the idea and my old patterns of fear, resentment and anger surfaced.
I kept feeling pain and couldn’t let go of the idea that I WAS RIGHT. This went on for a few days, but meanwhile I started to become less hurt and more focused on healing my pain. I remembered my teachers Drs. Ron & Mary Hulnick, ph.D. at University of Santa Monica stating, “Healing is the application of loving to places that hurt”. I kept focusing on this phrase hoping that I could connect with the love in my heart.
Many questions surfaced as the result of this experience. I wondered how I could feel free and be myself in relation to others especially those close to my heart? In the past I identified who I was and how I behaved based on the validation I received from others. I was good if others liked me and bad if they didn’t. I learned to judge myself accordingly. Life is interesting. It gives us many opportunities to heal our wounds and connect to the love that we are. In its core, it’s a spiritual journey and it ends up with us connecting to our source. To get there, however, is not always easy; all we can do is try our best.
So now I’m giving myself the gift of time and patience. After all our lessons are ongoing, but what matters is our attitude as we go through them. Best is to try and learn from our failures instead of stop trying in the fear that we might fail. I don’t always have the right attitude, but I have the intention to learn from my mistakes and with the help of others, shift my attitude to one that promotes love and wisdom. It is important to be persistent and not to give in to our fears. So, ask yourself what is your attitude when life provides you with new opportunities? Many times what we consider to be the worst experience of our lives end up becoming a blessing in disguise, so keep that in mind the next time you go through something painful and difficult.
Some of the questions my recent experience brought forward for me are outlined below. I post them here in the hope that by answering them, they may help you as you go through difficult situations and need more clarity. Start by setting a positive intention. My own intention is to open my heart, center myself in my higher Self, and connect with others from an authentic place as I go through life and its lessons knowing that we are all connected:
- What is your intention regarding this situation?
- How do you feel about yourself?
- How can you nurture yourself?
- How can you make self-honoring choices?
- Are you judging yourself or other people regarding this situation?
- What are the judgments?
- How can you make a shift from judgments to choices?
- How can you empower yourself in the process?
- Are you keeping your heart open or do you need to protect yourself?
- What makes you want to protect yourself and how can you make a shift that would allow room for more love?
- What choices would you make if you weren’t afraid?
- Do you respond to this situation from a place of choice or are you allowing the circumstances choose how you should respond?
- In relationships, do you make your choices based on your preferences or by making yourself or someone else wrong?
Spend some time with each question and answer them while centering your attention on your heart.
Through this process I learned that I need to identify the values that are important to me; values that I cannot compromise. So, I ask you the same question: What are the things you are willing to let go of and the ones that are important to you?
Deepening our love is an ongoing process. There are no limits to how much we can love. The opportunities that come our way, give us a chance to open our hearts more. It is not about who is right. It is about looking at it from a different perspective. As Einstein said, “we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”!Share This